I have a new motto: Failure is an Option. Trying is Not.

What this means is that I will sometimes not make it; I cannot do everything.  I’m a hemi, for crying out loud, a recent one at that, and sixty years old.  Also, I want to be human.  Over the years I never could always reach every goal, and I don’t want to lose that option, that part of my life, because I feel I have to prove something, to anybody else, or to me.  I prefer being human, being fallible.  Failure sure as hell is an option.

But trying is not.  I have to move ahead.  This is a new one for me; I would not have touted this when I first got home from rehab, scared and crying.  But I’m stronger now, in so many ways, and for so many reasons.

Also, this doesn’t mean I plan to do anything goofy.  As in, responding when someone taunts, “Bob, you should try….;” with something bizarre and risky at the end of the sentence.  My Bronx mother didn’t raise me to be an idiot; as Mr. Callahan said, “A man has to know his limitations.”

But if it’s practical, safe, and something that will make me better or something that I like, I’ll step up to the plate.  Carefully, at my pace, but I will get there.

Thus, I am not a supercrip, and not trying to be one.  I am no hero.  When Allen Rucker spoke to my class, he expressed the same modesty; I know what he means.  We have both seen folks overcome much more painful and debilitating disabilities, with more grace, more courage, and more talent than we could ever muster.  It is kind of like war heroes who don’t acknowledge their valor; they were on the battlefield, and saw the real heroes in action, who never came back to receive their medals.

Instead, I’m simply someone trying to live a normal life once again, being productive, enjoying recreation, making life’s decisions for myself.  That’s a reasonable enough goal, and one that I know I can achieve.

Robert A. Slayton grew up in the Bronx and is now a professor of history at Chapman University and the author of seven books, including Empire Statesman: The Rise and Redemption of Al Smith.  In 2008 he came down with transverse myelitis and returned to an active teaching and writing career. Slayton has been married to his wife, Rita, for 32 years.  These pieces are excerpts from a memoir of the disability experience he is working on.