A Teen’s Perspective on Preparing for Doctor’s Appointments by Lyd Lacey

Trying not to cry is hard. Really, really hard. As an experienced crier, I am oh-so-familiar with the moments just before—hands shaking, eyes blinking, hot face, breathing fast. You try hard to stop the tears from falling and re-focus. And just when you think you have it under control, you open your mouth to speak, but the words come out jumbled, unclear, and misunderstood. The Achilles heel of any supervillain: talking too soon. I have this issue, too. I speak too soon and the tears come out. I can feel the room shift as the clinicians lower their voices, soften them, tell me its going to be okay, hand me some tissues. I smile, nod, and accept them through shaky breaths. I wish I were anywhere but here.   

Only later, while in the car talking with my mom, I start to think about what led up to the moment. I ask myself: what could I have done differently? Better? What should I have changed? The truth is, the situation was completely avoidable. But how?   

After thinking for a bit longer, here’s where I think it all went wrong: It wasn’t when I was in the room, or in the lobby, or while I was getting my vitals taken. This went wrong before I even arrived at the hospital. The issue was communication. My doctors and I weren’t on the same page at all, which ended in a meltdown on my part and profuse apologies on theirs. Walking into the appointment, we all had different intentions for the conversations. We all had different expectations of each other and of the day. We all had different ideas about what should happen. So, with the insight of three hours later, I have a guide on everything you need to do, know, and plan before, during, and after an appointment.   

  

Step One: Before   

Long before you even think about what you are going to wear the day of, maybe even before you schedule the appointment, you need to start thinking about your intentions. Ask yourself this: why are you going? Is it a “normal” checkup, or have there been any changes to your health? Are you looking for something specific from your providers? If so, what? If so, why? What is important for your providers to know?   

Once you have answers to these questions, either write them down to discuss when you first arrive at your appointment, or, if it’s an option, communicate ahead of time via email or another messaging system. This will help your clinicians have a clearer idea of what you want from the appointment, helping them to prepare.   

  

Part Two: During   

If you haven’t already communicated your intentions, be sure to do that as soon as you get there (after the pleasantries, of course). Then, get started! If you notice at any time during the appointment that it is going in the wrong direction or if you feel like your intentions are not being recognized, don’t be afraid to say so. Ask clarifying questions and ask what you want to know. Re-direct the conversation if you don’t feel it is produçtive, or even remind everyone of your intentions. Setting boundaries and sticking to them is one of the best things you can do for your mental and physical health. If you feel like you are not being listened to, say so!   

Taking notes can also be helpful in making sure things get done and ensuring you have all the correct information. Before you leave, you can ask your doctor to review them with you. Some places will also provide packets containing follow-up information, notes, and referrals (if needed).   

  

Part Three: After  

If you can, schedule your next appointment on the way out. Some doctors or procedures can be exceedingly difficult to schedule for. Also, if you feel you need it, you can send a follow-up email with any questions, concerns, or clarifications. There is no shame in asking more questions and making sure that everyone is on the same page. In fact, there is power in doing so!   

Lastly, do some reflecting on the overall experience. Do you feel your needs were met? Do you think your intentions were aligned? Do you think you got something out of it? If so, what? If you answered any of these questions with a no, think about what steps you can take to have a different outcome next time. Do you need to be clearer? Do you need to have a longer appointment? Is it time to find a new doctor? Do everything in your power to ensure that your needs are met—you deserve it!   

At the end of the day, I like to leave knowing that I am in the hands of people who truly care about me and my best interests. With a little communication, it doesn’t have to be hard to get to that place.