Becoming a Nurse

In March of 2004 I was diagnosed with TM at T1. I was completely paralyzed from my chest down. Lying in bed, I said to myself, I want to be a nurse, a good nurse, like the ones taking care of me now.

Six months later, I went back to work in a wheelchair as a Pre-K teacher. During my time as a teacher, I had the opportunity to have nursing students work in my classroom during their pediatrics rotation. Every time I had a student nurse work with me, I would pump them with questions about nursing school; what they liked/disliked, how it was taught and what was covered. I was very interested and had always wanted to go into nursing.

While I was in a wheelchair, I was concerned that nursing would be impossible. But I was working very hard in physical therapy to be able to walk once again. In March 2005 I sent in my application and said to myself that IF I was accepted, then I would really force myself to walk and not use my chair anymore.

In mid-April I got my acceptance letter. I was ecstatic! So the decision was made. I would ONLY walk. As of mid-June, I stopped using the chair for everyday things and only used my leg brace and cane. I had until the end of August to be able to do this, and lo and behold, I did it; though I would still tire easily. School started and I felt as though everyone was staring at me. I made a few close friends right off the bat which made things easier. At first, I wasn’t sure how teachers would react.

The first clinical teacher I had was a little weary but gave me the benefit of the doubt. During clinical I would try to sit down as much as possible while still being able to do all that my classmates were doing. I did not want special treatment from anyone, nor did I want to look like I could not handle it. At times, it was just so very hard.
The first year was not bad. Clinical was only once a week and both clinical teachers I had were very good and gave me high praise at the end of the year. We did not do that much as first year students; AM care, bed making, giving meds both oral and injections and basic wound care. The second year was harder when it came to the material we needed to know and we had clinical twice a week. I found that because of my TM, I would fatigue faster and the need to study and keep up was harder. While many of my classmates could get up at 6AM and go to class then home and study until midnight, I was wiped out by 10PM and many days had to take a nap when I got home from class. The two days of clinical was also hard at first; getting up at 5AM, being on the ward from 7:15 – 3:30 and then going home and having to work on care plans or look up unknown drugs. It was so tiring. We covered so much more material that had to be applied in clinical as well as used for class projects or tests.

I found myself questioning if I could actually do this. We had obstetrics, pediatrics and advanced medical-surgical. We took care of newborn babies which scared me, because I was afraid I would drop a baby and was worried that the parents would not trust me with their precious little newborns! It turned out fine in the end, and, yes, I can carry a baby without dropping it! But the clinical teacher I had gave me many problems. She just did not think I belonged in nursing due to my disability.

In the end she gave me a good evaluation, but I did not enjoy my six weeks in OB. Pediatrics was great. I love kids and the teacher I had was fantastic. She didn’t see my disability as a problem and made sure that I got to experience many things and practice as many new skills as possible, such as suctioning a child.

Med-surge was a big challenge. I was put on an internal medicine ward and the teacher I had said right from the start that she did not think it was safe for me or my patients to be a nurse. I was angry and disgusted! How dare she pre-judge me after two days in nursing lab. I did all the skills just fine during those two days and there was no reason to doubt my abilities as a nurse. I spent the next four weeks in clinical thinking she was trying to find reasons to fail me.

Well, during week four she came up to me, put her hand on my shoulder, and told me how proud she was of me. She had changed her opinion of me and said that she was blown away not only by how I handled myself in clinical, but also how I helped my group-mates and taught them things they needed help with. She was impressed to see the others come to me to ask for help with physical duties, such as transferring patients or moving them up in bed. You see, she still saw me as a person with a cane, whereas my classmates had stopped noticing any differences.

At the end of the year, even this teacher had stopped seeing the cane. I know this as she told me. This made me very happy. I finally felt like I had proven myself. Nursing school is hard enough without going into it with a disability. I have spent two years proving not only to others, but to myself that I can do this.

I am now in my third and final year of nursing school. I am very excited and cannot believe that three short years ago I was paralyzed; lying in bed and saying to myself that I want to become a nurse!